dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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