I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
