I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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