even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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