I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
