im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
