tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize