I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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