I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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