He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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