We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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