8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
