Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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