Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
