somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
