I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
time to smoke my breakfast
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize