im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize