i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
