I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
