My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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