worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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