Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
