There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
