All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Your penis caused this!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
