Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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