he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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