the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
