I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
