Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
where am i from again
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
