he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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