Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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