My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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