Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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