The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
