If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
