Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
