Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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