wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
