I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Randomize
