drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
