If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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