Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
