Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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