guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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