When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
