Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
