Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
