stop calling my apartment porn island.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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