i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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