I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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