i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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