mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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