I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
