and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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