Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
