My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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