the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
