I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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