You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
