Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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