I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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