i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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