Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
